Monday, November 17, 2008

Cheyenne :(

Who could resist that sweety!

Several years ago, within a little over a month I lost my two dogs pretty unexpectedly: Honey Dew, our 12 year old Golden Retriever to cancer, and Ellie, my Doberman who was not even two and fought 6 months and several surgeries before dying from multiple bouts with Peritinitis. Honey I made the decision to have put to sleep when it was too late and Ellie passed at home on simply an "off" day while I was at college. We were left with this cute, tiny, lonely puppy, Kyleigh, who ran around in a yard that seemed so empty with just her in it after so recently having 3 dogs around.

I looked at two different litters and picked the one litter who's "grandmother dog" was still very much alive and then I picked this one puffy, fuzzball of a pup, the lighter of the two so that she was nothing like Honey because I wasn't replacing her. Then I waited for a weekend when my family wasn't home and brought Cheyenne home. She was beautiful and adorable and Kyleigh, after getting passed just flat out confusion over this little thing chewing on her toys and running around, loved her too. My family came home and they all loved her too, of course. She was so cute! And it was winter, so my aunt knitted a beautiful sweater for her - a white one! Imagine it: a fluffy white puppy, snow on the ground and a white sweater!

Kyleigh & baby Cheyenne:
From the paragraph above, I think you've made the safe assumption that I went to a breeder. Yes, I did what rescuers don't do and bought a puppy from a breeder. I've had Goldens my whole life! I was sad and I wanted a perfect Golden puppy. I can't regret that decision because I got Cheyenne out of it, but no more breeders (ever, ever, ever) ... there are enough dogs dying and a "purebred" dog who's parents you can look at while you pick out a puppy is no way better than a dog you can save from a shelter or rescue. Maybe if Cheyenne had been a "mostly Golden" mutt, she'd still be here too. :(

Cheyenne was my epileptic Golden. Though she had more than me, even when on seizure meds, Cheyenne had seizures on the exact same days I did for the few I had. She was definitely the most "special" out of our three dogs. There is Kyleigh, who is just a few months older then Cheyenne, and then we got Sadie as well a couple years after ... a more "normal" looking Golden compared to gigantic Cheyenne. It seems like as Chy grew, she got her dad's huge body and her mom's normal Golden legs. She also has this, as you can see in these few pictures, super thick hair which it almost white underneath - it was the combination of her light coat and huge size (about 110 lbs) that had us all joking she was part polar bear. Out of the three, Cheyenne was also the most laid back and all the cats loved her. Peanut, our buff tabby, when playing with Cheyenne almost completely blended in! Though Kye and Sadie would sometimes fight awfully when they got excited over guests, the biggest threat Cheyenne was was if she jumped up because of her size.

Cheyenne & baby Sadie:

My Cheyenne died over the weekend. My purebred, "perfect", polar bear of a dog died at just 6 years of age from a heart attack. I'm crushed and bitter and sad. I just keep thinking "If only I was there" or "If we didn't have Sadie, Kye would be all alone again" and "I paid for the "perfect puppy" not to die of cancer when she was old and instead she dies at only 6 of a heart attack" or "I should have hugged her goodbye last weekend. When did I stop hugging them goodbye?" and, then, I keep thinking about how much I was dreading listening to mom gripe about all the dogs in the house and all the work when Jack & Finn would be coming to visit after Thanksgiving (it would have been Kye, Sadie, Chy plus Jack & Finn in the house then) - what I wouldn't give to have Cheyenne here still...

We had this big, plastic pond at the house I grew up in. When we moved, we brought it with us and put it in the backyard. My dad never got around to digging a hole for it though, so it remained, bottom up, on the ground in our backyard. Cheyenne took up the habit of laying on top of the thing (I have no idea how it held her weight!) ... again, a polar bear resting on rocks came to mind! And with her size, can you imagine a dog like that getting excited and pouncing around - ridiculous! When she was resting, if there was something nearby to rest her head on, she would, and she'd slowly (half cause of her size), innocently climb up on the sofa. Out of our three dogs, let's talk about destruction! Kye grabs and eats everything - underwear, blankets, dog beds, pants, etc. Even if she's just innocently sucking on a blankie for a week, eventually it's got a huge hole in it, then several and then it's in pieces. Napkins and tissues last about 5 seconds with Sadie too. Cheyenne though would walk passed you with a sock very obviously hanging out of her mouth and she'd look up at you just with her big eyes. You'd say "Cheyenne..." and she'd drop it like, "Oh, how'd that get in my mouth?". And if you gave her treats, oh god! She'd never eat them, she'd just sit there with one in her mouth, drooling all over, until it got soft and broke and then, she'd hold the pieces until finally she'd eat them ... jealous Kye and selfish Sadie, of course, always gobbled theirs down and we were like guarding Chy the whole time she had treats!

I miss my girl, I miss my girl. There are so many things I could say, so much I want to write down, but I just can't. There's not enough good to write about her right now ... I'm just so sad. I don't want to think about it anymore...

I miss my polar bear...


Karina said...

Jen. You gave Cheyenne a wonderful home and a wonderful life. She knew you loved her very much, and she'll always be remembered.

I Stood By Your Bed
I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear, "It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea, You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore. I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care. I want to reassure you, that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key. I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday. To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew ... in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over... I smile and watch you yawning and say "goodnight, God bless, I'll see you in the morning."
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide, I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see. Be patient, live your journey out ... then come home to be with me.

Jen's Journal said...

thank you, Karina