Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Almost Time For Work ...

Hahahaha. Oh, I had to add this. I randomly looked up my horoscope and here's what it says for "career" which we can definitely define as "rescue work" I think at this point:

It's not if, it's when. Sometimes it takes an eternity and other times it works with great speed, but whichever way it happens, rest assured they'll get theirs. Just hope you're still around to witness it.

That was a nice way to start off the day, a nice positive note to begin with. :) Takes the pressure off me to think that I need to be the one to show them for who/what they truly are.

I was lying in bed thinking this morning that maybe I'll put my focus back on dogs for a little while. I don't plan on jumping into anything (another part of my horoscope read as follows: If you want to make a change in your life, that's a fine idea, today -- but take it slowly. Rushing toward what you think you want deprives you of the chance to think things through at each crossroads. Don't move at an unconscious speed -- you have to be mindful of each step you take. If you swing from extreme to extreme, you'll spend so much energy trying to get back into balance that the progress you made will be pointless. In the end, slow and steady beats fast and frantic every time.), but I thought maybe I could at least put my focus back towards dogs for awhile. I've got years of experience with cats behind me right now. I'm young, I should just keep learning and broadening my horizons.

I wish I was still part of the rescue ... if I had just held out a few weeks longer, I'd still have that paypal account so I can pull this puppy that desperately needs help right now. Maybe I'll figure out another way ...

Monday, May 19, 2008

arg! Arg! Arg - that's right: arg! I am pissy. Uh! I'm being erased from all the unimportant things, but not the crucial ones I should have been off of as soon as I resigned ... it's not my place to remove me (that's not my job anymore). However, to just remove me from the little things is lazy and pretty damn insulting to start with those things, for example on the website I started & put together, instead of the crucial things like state & federal paperwork. I'm trying so hard to be mature & civil and to stay positive ... but, d*mn, are they ever making it difficult. I left! Now let me move on!

Work today made me realize just how much I hurt myself Saturday and, whoa, did I hurt myself! I'm thinking my legs, like my upper thighs, hit the wheelbarrow and I don't know which side I fell to first, but I somehow hurt both my shoulders, along with my bicep in my right arm. I bent over to wipe out one of the cages today and thought I would die from the pain ... half of me wishes this shit never happened, the other half is so glad I'm not awake for it.

I'm not perfect - oh well! I need to just accept that, take my brain meds and live the best life I possibly can while I'm here ... because who knows when this all ends for us. Slightly sad and not subtle, but true. Aside from the epilepsy (and a few other flaws), I'm a pretty crazy, cool person :) And maybe some changes will help make things better too: I've got the new tattoos, I'll color my hair again Wednesday and, oh man, the new Indiana Jones movie comes out this week!! I am so excited! Ali & I have been waiting for this forever! Hehehe

Sunday, May 18, 2008

what ifs making me nervous ...

This morning I had a conversation with yet another significant person suggesting I start over in rescue work - "you started from nothing before - just start again." That type of thing with the supporting arguments of my experience, my dedication and the lessons I've now learned. To hear such things, such hope in me for the things I could do really squeezes my heart and makes me so afraid that I'll let people down if I start over again ... what if I make the same mistakes? Associate myself with the same bad people? Don't live up to these dreams people have of me?

And on top of all the "what ifs" is the feeling that I'm just not sure I have the heart for it right now. Can you just cover up your eyes to all the animals in need once you've been involved in helping them for so long? No ... but I can't see allowing myself to get burnt anymore either with the people I choose to work with. Putting myself in such a trusting position again makes me very nervous.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

probably the biggest compliment that you won’t understand

I resigned from my rescue group today:

Hello there, 'Furrever Friends'

I am writing to make you aware that I am resigning my position from Furrever Friends Rescue & Volunteers, Inc.

Please be aware that as I write this my whole heart is being torn out and I'm well aware that I'm bashing away at the foundation I have long built myself around on my way to becoming an adult.

It was my time at West Deptford Animal Hospital (WDAH) that lead me into rescuing really ... and that was when I was 16. Through WDAH I was able to help shelter animals (like Maggie, Lady & Dexter) and pets destined to die (like Lizzie and Nilla). And then "Furrever Friends" came about when I was a freshmen at college with the start of the "50 Cats House" trust me, there were A LOT more than 50. This is what threw me into rescue and was the creation of Furrever Friends - literally, a bunch of friends working together who voted on the best of a handful of names and went with "Furrever Friends"! I think it was mostly me, Nicole, Shea, Kathy, Marie & Debbie actually. :) The ball has just kept rolling since then and look what it has become now!

I don't want to leave the group I started, I really don't. I do feel though that Furrever Friends, now as an established 501c3 and non-profit, is more than capable of standing on its feet without me. Each one of the beyond dedicated volunteers, donars, adopters, supporters, EVERYONE that makes up the Furrever Friends Rescue & Volunteers' network makes FFRV such an incredibly unique group and a very self-sufficient one at that too.

I wish you all the best of luck in your continued journey together to do what you can for the animals – my thoughts will always be with you and the great work that has been accomplished over the years. I can only imagine what the future holds! I am so very proud to have been a part of Furrever Friends.

I'm in North Jersey now and a slave to the cats here at Tabby's Place. So, somehow I know we'll meet again. I'm not sure quite where and I don't know just when, but you're all in my heart ... so until then, smile.

Jen Wesh
Founder of Furrever Friends


West Jersey Volunteers for Animals 10th Anniversary Celebration, Oaklyn, NJ: May 17th, 7:00 - 11:00pm. For information or tickets contact: 856-845-3860 or
No More Pet Limit Laws Court Case, Jen Smith vs. Brooklawn, NJ: Court Date PENDING AGAIN!

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." –Howard Thurman

"We spend most of our time and energy in a kind of horizontal thinking. We move along the surface of things [but] there are times when we stop. We sit still. We lose ourselves in a pile of leaves or its memory. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper." -James Carroll

"You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him." -Leo Aikman

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice that which we are for what we could become." -Charles DuBois

"It's so hard to lose the one you love, to finally have to say try to be strong, but the pain keeps holding on and all you can do is cry...deep within your heart you know it's time to move on, when the fairy tale you once knew is gone."

"I hope to make people realize how totally helpless animals are, how dependent on us, trusting as a child must that we will be kind and take care of their needs ... [They] are an obligation out on us, a responsibility we have no right to neglect, nor to violate by cruelty." -James Herriot

"In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours" –Ayn Rand

I've done rescue for like 8 years and 'Furrever Friends' was created by me (with the help of a handful of volunteers no longer with the group) about 6 years ago. It was privately, quietly, dedicatedly mine for about 2 years before I started working with some more involved people who will continue on with the group as I leave ... and it's just no longer my group in any way. I guess it does a lot of good and that's what should matter in the big scheme of things, but right now I'm being selfish and crying a lot for myself and the things I used to be able to do with this group.

Today was just kind of random. I certainly know it wasn't a "good" time to resign, but recent events in the rescue world, recent personal conversations (even unrelated ones) tying into 'stepping up' to the plate on things - and resigning was something I needed to do- and such made me realize that there would be NO good time to resign, that I just had to 'step up' and act.

I sent an email to my board and I sent an email out to contacts of mine from Furrever Friends and rescue ... some new, some very old contacts. I've had a handful of responses already. But one of the first ones just tore me up ... as if I wasn't heartbroken enough about this whole thing.

Hi Jen -

I'm so sorry it's come to this. I had thought that things were going better for you at FFRV -

But after hearing about your resignation, it appears that the situation you had told me about just kept getting worse. I'm sorry you had to go through all that heartache.

Please know that all your efforts have truly helped a LOT of animals, and you inspired so many people to help out in situations that might have seemed helpless. Your willingness to jump into the "50 Cats House" and try to make things better was nothing short of heroic. You proved that you could make a difference against incredible odds, and that others should persevere in spite of huge obstacles.

I'm proud that you've considered me one of your friends. And I'm proud of you for all that you've accomplished. But you're not finished yet! There will be plenty of opportunities for you to help animals at Tabby's Place, and
wherever else you go.

And don't let the problems you've experienced make you feel bad about yourself. You know in your heart that it was never your fault. You were treated badly and you deserve better.

You're a terrific person with a heart of gold! Please keep in touch.


In a sea of irrational people and events recently, here is someone I have looked up to saying she looks up to me ... It's just absolutely incredible and breaks my heart all the more that I have to walk away like this ... recognized by some and barely noticed by others.