arg! Arg! Arg - that's right: arg! I am pissy. Uh! I'm being erased from all the unimportant things, but not the crucial ones I should have been off of as soon as I resigned ... it's not my place to remove me (that's not my job anymore). However, to just remove me from the little things is lazy and pretty damn insulting to start with those things, for example on the website I started & put together, instead of the crucial things like state & federal paperwork. I'm trying so hard to be mature & civil and to stay positive ... but, d*mn, are they ever making it difficult. I left! Now let me move on!

Work today made me realize just how much I hurt myself Saturday and, whoa, did I hurt myself! I'm thinking my legs, like my upper thighs, hit the wheelbarrow and I don't know which side I fell to first, but I somehow hurt both my shoulders, along with my bicep in my right arm. I bent over to wipe out one of the cages today and thought I would die from the pain ... half of me wishes this shit never happened, the other half is so glad I'm not awake for it.

I'm not perfect - oh well! I need to just accept that, take my brain meds and live the best life I possibly can while I'm here ... because who knows when this all ends for us. Slightly sad and not subtle, but true. Aside from the epilepsy (and a few other flaws), I'm a pretty crazy, cool person :) And maybe some changes will help make things better too: I've got the new tattoos, I'll color my hair again Wednesday and, oh man, the new Indiana Jones movie comes out this week!! I am so excited! Ali & I have been waiting for this forever! Hehehe

daydreaming and I'm thinking of you

I had another seizure last week. I fell between two tables and apparently kept bashing my face into the one table ... and it was at a fundraiser too.

The last I really remember was setting my stuff down to help Maureen hand out prizes and then I was waking up on the floor. I broke two teeth, my canines, and my tooth literally went through my lip. My aunt told me later that she didn't think it looked that awful - until she realized that as she was looking at my face she could see inside my mouth.

After an MRI to make sure I didn't shatter my cheek bones, I needed 4 stitches to put my lip back together and my lip was so bad that the doctors seemed to neglect everything else: I tore my back up, my knees are all bruised and I'm still not entirely sure my one finger's alright - it is bruised down into my palm.

I'm not sure what's worse: falling backwards and losing chunks of my memory from the concussions or falling face first and losing chunks of my face...

I wasn't allowed to shower that night either since the stitches were fresh, so the next day when I was showering, the water ran red with blood. My hair felt like cement because it was so caked with blood. I had to sit there and try to pick my hair apart just to get it wet. I hate this, I hate this...